Things I Wonder About Instead of Going to Bed at a Decent Hour Even Though I Have a Migraine

1. Does Julianne still go to church? If so, why is she at Hyde and why on earth is she talking on the phone EVER to a gross actor?
2. How do all the starlets get their curls to stay intact? Mine wilt in no less than 2 hours. How much hairspray? What is the magic product? Do I have the wrong curling iron? Are all my hairs going to get cooked off trying to make it work?
3. Are all the LA girls wearing Lincoln Park After Dark on their nails or have they moved on from that and are now wearing something equally mysterious? Is it black? Is it purple? Is it blue?
4. How annoying is it that everyone famous has extensions?
5. Is Britney Spears really conscious or is she taking 13 anti-depressants whose side effects are simply wearing terrible clothing and driving around LA randomly buying weird stuff? And if she doesn't want the paps to be so in her face maybe she could just not drive around LA for a minute?
6. Why won't this migraine go away?
7. How gray is my hair going to be in 5 years and how can I stop it from happening?
8. Do all the normal, nice people I know who live alone do gross things like leave an empty pizza box from literally 3 weeks ago, possibly, on the kitchen table surrounded by myriad other pieces of whatever and say, out loud, "you are so gross" every time they look at it?
9. Seriously, what gives with this headache?
10. How much water does a person actually need during the day and is it true, like Diet Coke says it is, that Diet Coke counts for some of the water?
11. Is my new awesome bag a knockoff?
12. Why am I such an email pack rat? (Current inbox count: 6,029)
13. Am I going to pass out soon? Answer: Yes.

Night night.