Tuesday, July 6, 2004

I've become what I have mocked

Let me just say how weird I think it is that I have just searched for and viewed the wedding registries at both Tiffany's and Williams-Sonoma of Tori Spelling. As in, the bad actress from, let's be honest, a fabulous show. At Tiffany's, they've registered for about a billion crystal objects, like, who needs all those vases and bowls that people I know receive in abundance for their weddings, only they're always from Mikasa, of course, and bought from JC Penney or Hecht's on sale for $14.99 or less. According to the registries, the wedding wasn't supposed to happen until August 14th, but they moved it up to last weekend (which I learned from Eonline, a whole other level of embarrassing), and yet nearly everything on her extremely long registries -- including an $1800 espresso machine -- was completed. Her gift to the guests? "A special candle molded in the shape of a mini champagne bottle." Yo, Tori, Jennie Garth called and she wants her sterling silver memo pad holder back.

I really couldn't care less that Tori Spelling got married. I'm not a fan; I certainly haven't seen any of her movies, I loved 90210 despite her (and Steve), and I guess I am happy for her in a generic "oh good she found somebody" kind of way, but seeing her registry creeps me out a little, like I've become one of those kind of celebrity stalker people who go through stars' trash or, you know, read their registries because they're on the web and I can. Without looking too hard on the web, you can enter bizarro land with fansites and unmoderated forums with the most perplexing commentary. I was looking up Kate Bosworth movies on imdb, which is totally a useful source of information if you can't remember who's in a movie and whatnot, and some guy wrote this:

I cannot allow this anymore. She's a truly horrible person who thinks she's is better than everyone because she didn't struggle into acting (HER DADDY MADE A *beep* CALL). She's an harrowing actress who shouldn't be allowed to speak and move in front of a camera. She's hardly attractive either (NICE EYES DON'T MAKE UP FOR A RIDICUOSLY HUGE HEAD). I must say to all Kate fans take off the rose colored glasses, I understand many of you are too young and futile to understand that metaphor. Blue Crush was generaly a bad movie with beautiful lanscape and sets. Wonderland was CRAP. We'll just pretend WADWITH never happened (the world would be a better place).

Seriously, pick up a Kate Winslet or Charlize Theron film. They're not bad I promise and your brains won't fry if you try to be an intellectual human being. Stop looking just at the new releases go to the drama section. Stop picking up Freddie Prinze Jr. movies and pick up a Brad Renfro or Johnny Depp film (NOT POTC it's a very good movie but not his best go with Ed Scissor Hands).

Basically, GROW UP! There is better out there. It's there I promise

And all kinds of people responded to it, just because they can, I suppose, like this:

slayerscotty i may hate u cuz u hate orli but i totally agree with u about kate her movies r totally stupid i dont get y any1 gives her movie roles ya blue crush came out b4 she went out with orli but she just got even more famous when we all found out that they were dating so in short shes mostly famous bcuz of orli so that means that shes not really a good actor

Because, oh yeah, she loves Orlando Bloom and she likes to call him Orli. And I kind of hate to even give it voice again in the universe, but to think that I've bought into a small part of that crazy crazy worldview makes me kind of sick. The thing about these kinds forums, of course, is that presumably the stars themselves mostly stay far away from them and seem to pretty much share the consensus that the obsessions are a bit loony. But something like a gift registry? That's all personal and kind of intimate, frankly, and to read it makes me feel like just another kind of screwed-up public worshipper. I regret it for sure.

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