B&E

Okay, so you know this commercial, right?



I hate it. It's totally alarmist and awful. But it certainly does its advertising job, because it leaves you unsettled and like you really can't afford to not have Brinks.

So last night at 2 am the downstairs alarm was tripped, and we have the same kind of deal with the calling to see if it's a false alarm or we need the cops. The speaker for the alarm is right outside my bedroom door, so it didn't take long to wake me up, but I got all discombobulated and it became part of my dream for a minute, so by the time I could figure out what was happening, the phone was ringing and I still had my teeth-grinding mouthguard in when I answered it and I had to go outside on my front porch to even hear the woman on the phone asking me for my password. And then I realized that I was outside and possibly unprotected from the possible murderer, so I asked her (um, after I took out my mouthguard) if she would stay on the phone with me while I checked things out.

Mind you, we still weren't communicating well because I actually have to go down the stairs to turn off the alarm, but I was faced with quite a conundrum: knowing that it is very most probably a false alarm, do I still risk going downstairs? What would I have done if I had met a murderer on the steps? Sure, Security Central lady would have sent the cops, but out here that recently meant 45 minutes, so I'm pretty well dead and in the Haw River by then.

With the being not awake, I didn't have the presence of mind to think too long, especially because it was SO LOUD and so I just crept down the stairs, my heart beating like nobody's business, and finally got the thing silenced. Then she told me it was an outside closet door (why it's connected to the system, I don't really know, because it doesn't actually lead to access to the house. It houses the water heater, so we're guarding against shower espionage, I guess?). This particular door doesn't have a doorknob on it, so you can imagine that a little wind can make it blow right open. If I had asked her what tripped the siren, I would have known that there was no murderer, but the truth is that I watch too much Law & Order: SVU and I'm just so suspicious.

And in point of fact, going downstairs without at least a kitchen knife was potentially pretty stupid, but is it dumber to let the Sheriff come out for a false alarm? I guess these are not questions you can ask if you're dead, so thank goodness I don't have to be in the tragic victims section of the Chatham County Record today.