I swear I have no dreams that can come true

I also swear that everyone on the entire internet blogs about American Idol after it's on, but this is my first season watching it - not to be all self-righteous about what's on my DVR, but I just couldn't stand to make the time investment before. It was inevitable, though - the first stop on the slippery slope was Dancing With the Stars, and now I've been watching that for 3 cycles, as they say, so AI was bound to come up.

ANYway, I mostly don't care for nearly everyone, but this week featured some really good performances from people who've been on my eh list, and bad ones from the people I can't stand anyway. I like being validated about my judgmental opinions. Simon was in quite a better mood this week - the internet says that he hates country music, and I honestly can't figure how you could hate Dolly Parton songs, but he seemed to get cranky and bored by them all. This week was "inspiration" week, which produced no end of "dreams coming true" speeches, which make me cranky and bored. AI could make me very happy by banning all Queen songs from being performed, and frankly, since they seem to have some serious influence over the universe, from the radio and sporting events too. No more Queen in the world!

Michael: I swear I don't get this guy. A little too much chin lifting. He's handsome and should be giving off more sexy vibe than he does, and yet it doesn't seem like shyness, exactly, but indifference? Everyone knows that AI is a giant corporate monstrosity, and when they make those commercials for Ford and do those group dances . . . it's humiliating, sure. But you knew that when you signed up. It's like the ten millionth season of this show and it's not changing. And it's not like those things are soul-sucking, they're just stupid and embarrassing. Maybe he's too old for this type of career-launching - his irritating argumentative little speech to Randy about dreams coming true just doesn't mean anything, and it doesn't give us any insight to him. He has a nice voice, but what's his market? I can't predict his music career, and I am obsessed with comparisons when I watch this show.

Carly: After Simon basically called her fat and ugly last week she wears these super-tight pants and I'm pretty sure a pantyline? (I couldn't really tell because I can't get HD locals at the moment, bug.) He told her she looked good, but come on. It's just because he was nicer this week and the internet made him feel bad, if that's possible. She has a great voice but I CAN'T STAND QUEEN.

David C: I really can't stand him. We already have Nickelback, we don't need more. I am glad he cut his hair, and I will admit his last 2 weeks have been really great performances, but this one was horrible and he is such a phony.

David A: Cute little David Archuleta, with the voice of, like, Tony Bennett, and the stage personality of a little kid imitating Tony Bennett. I am crazy about this song - Simon nailed it when he said it's one of the greatest pop songs ever - I assume Robbie Williams wrote it and he performs it like a champ. I'm with Randy that it was okay - I'm not sure he should play and sing because he seemed to be having trouble with the multitasking. He is so vocally talented, but unless he ends up with a Josh Groban/Michael Bublé career, I think his winning will do him a great disservice personally.

Kristy Lee: She's so generic, it's hard to care that much. Martina can belt out some cheese, so taking her song on was brave. It was pretty good.

Jason: Man, I hate his dreds, but this was quite awesome. The song has been done a thousand times, but suddenly you saw that Jason could have a Jack Johnson career (if he can write songs, which isn't clear) and be really good at it.

Syesha: Girl, please, singing a song by another American Idol? Such a weird choice. It's a pretty cheesy song, and Syesha has a nice voice and a gorgeous smile, but I'm kind of over her.

Brooke: Bean was right when she got me watching for Brooke - I love her voice and I think in theory she could have a wonderful singer-songwriter career. But her performing gets weirder every week, like this combination of self-deprecation and actual intimidation. She seems to have read the internet this week about responding to the judges, because she clamped her mouth shut in that weird, kind of psycho smile and looked like she might pass out. I think the main problem is that James Taylor did that song a lot more memorably than Carole King. She's one of those artists who I like as a songwriter, but actually listening to her sing can really grate my nerves, not unlike Joni Mitchell. Like, they had a lot to offer the canon but they don't have great voices. Brooke really does, but she tried for the Carole King version, and it's just not that endearing. Every week I get nervous to see what she'll sing and hope it will be something wonderful, but since "Let it Be" it just hasn't been right. It's taken me a few weeks to understand what the judges mean about the right song choice, and Brooke has chosen strangely lately. I guess the main problem is that I really love Brooke but I don't actually like the songs she chooses - they're the ones for which I would switch the radio instantly. I get that they have to choose semi-mainstream songs that are recognizable, but what if she picked "When It Don't Come Easy" or "Let Him Fly" by Patty Griffin, or "Elvis Presley Blues" by Gillian Welch, or something by Emmylou Harris? She could slow it down and keep it in her range and really shine. At least, I hope she could.