This bounty hunter is my kind of scum

I stumbled on Return of the Jedi on Spike tonight. I haven't seen it in ages, and not since getting addicted to Battlestar, at any rate, and in general it's as delightful as I remembered, in that terrible corny way that seems to be Lucas's trademark. I don't actually think it's faulty on its own, it's just . . . there's not a lot of . . . nuance, is there?

Take the Emperor and Lord Vader, for example: they are all business, all the time, and speak in tyrannical absolutes. Always. Like how in each of the three earlier movies, they have some underling with an indeterminate British or Continental accent who can't complete some mission on time. You know, even if you haven't seen it 100 times, that they are going to end up choked or whatever magic Vader can do that drops you dead right there in the control room and the next dude in line just whisks your body away. And it's because Vader says something like, "The emperor is very disappointed in your progress. You have to go faster." And the underling is like, "But Lord Vader, we are working at full capacity." And, splat. Next!

And how did a big giant blob worm, basically, with no legs and useless shorty arms become someone who people, er, droids, things with tentacles for hair, and a room full of muppets call "Your worship?" It makes no sense. At least Vader and the Emperor have the force. And they can walk. Jabba actually drools and gets some kind of green slime on you if he touches you.

And seriously, is anything worse than when Leia releases Han (or Han like pan, says Lando from the Canada planet) Solo from the carbon whatever, and he says, "Who's there?" and she says, "Someone who loves you." These are the subtleties of the script.

And my absolute favorite thing is how when the Death Star is three-fourths finished, there are still all these little tiny holes in it, like someone was working on a section and got distracted. I guess you can't expect too much fine finishing work from storm troopers. I guess it's refreshing that all construction projects have trouble with the last 10%. And finally, nothing in the world is cornier than the oversize Vader hats that some random flunkies wear on the Death Star. They're like the mullet version.

Which is not to say that I can't appreciate the whole lot of it by its own standard of goodness. It's the same way I can appreciate the new Indiana Jones movie with the exception of the very end, which makes absolutely no sense, even in terms of itself. But the corny car switching, the killer ants, all of it can be pretty delightful if you can give in. There's a lot to love.

And I'll say this: if we lived in a world (or galaxy, I guess) with as many different terrifying, slobbering, monster enemies as these guys have to deal with - yikes. And PS I always freak out a little when Yoda disappears and his blanket falls all slow.

Don't forget the droid!

(PS Leia, aren't you kind of grossed out by that one time you kissed your brother on the lips to make Han jealous?)