The Saints

My fun friend Holly, whom we like to call The New Holly since we already had one who left us for some seriously prolific and literary adventures, was explaining how she did us a solid this week (being a kind Mormon apologist among those who think we are weirdos) with some of her co-workers by paying us a great compliment about the strength of our community. She was referring to the one she has the most experience with, which is a little Triangle contingent, with special dispensations for our Boston, New York, and Portland arms. (Ditchers.)

She observes -- and often helps with, bless her -- the myriad things we Mormons do together; some relaxing and fun, some extremely stressful and tremendous amounts of work, some worshipful and quieter and calmer. While it's true that not all of us feel connected to our larger ward community all the time, there is always someone here or there with whom you can find a connection. Mormons don't have a corner on this market by any means, but, like in other close-knit communities, deeply-felt spoken and unspoken beliefs entitle you to belong.

The universe of blogging has added a new dimension to that dynamic. There is a tremendous network of (mostly women) Mormon bloggers with all kinds of angles: Design, Sewing, Cooking, Mommying (this is maybe the biggest category, unsurprisingly), The World We Live in and Life in General (every good Mormon girl's favorite slow song, at least where I come from) and these women wear their beliefs with varying levels of transparency.

I don't read too many of them regularly, but I do stop by now and then, and among the happysad times of cjane (whose husband I know from college, in a bit of common Mormon kismet), there was this tragedy of her sister and brother-in-law being critically injured in a plane crash. Reading this news does no favors to my distrust of small planes (ahem, Donnie), and among the sympathetic feelings stirred up by helplessly observing the sadness of strangers -- particularly because it's someone's family -- I have been frankly surprised by the response of the regular readers (certainly not all Mormons) of their family's blogs. Balloon releases, prayers, cards, auctions, and what's looking like lots of money, and that's just the stuff we know about.

I don't mean to be skeptical, because it's really moving, but I can't stop analyzing the phenomenon. I am trying to put it in the context of something else outside of the internet, and I thought of the time when I went to a hot dog supper & bluegrass concert at a school to raise money for a teenager's leukemia treatment. He was (he passed away not long after, bless him) a friend of a friend, and part of my neighborhood, such as it is. But it's not exactly the same, because for one thing, I got a tangible item (hot dogs, mmmm), and it wasn't like I personally heard about it from a flyer at Jerry's and showed up with $50, if you see my point.

A reward is not why we ought to be altruistic, certainly, but there is often something given in return (advertising, a tote bag) for donating to a cause where the person or need is not personally known or connected to you. There is a grand tradition of making donations to strangers or global needs in the name of empathy, but in my experience, that has been more commonly achieved through the vehicles of organizations like the Red Cross or our church's Humanitarian Aid fund. Or, like in the case of Katrina or 9/11, a not-personally-known to me celebrity-type has been the one asking for it on television, and strangers' donations were at least partly in response to seeing your favorite musician or actor ask for it. The anonymity of a large body doing the collecting and dispersing, and possibly mailing your mug to you, has seemed more safe and effective, if you will; it's the traditional model.

All of which is not to say that I think it's weird or that anyone is running a scam, just . . . something new to me in the internet world. I guess people's support in whatever way reflects how they have come to feel a part of cjane's and nie nie's lives, which is, at times, probably both a blessing and a burden to them, but one that comes with the territory of opening at least some portion of your life to the internet, and especially to a community which thrives on shared experience. People like when others say what they think, only better, funnier, with more gravitas, and the compliments flood in via the comments. And I've come to the conclusion that people like to see where their charity is going and believe that it will make a personal difference, especially in the continued shared stories through the blogs.

So I guess why not, right? Why not try to give something back in a time of such need; why not, when, in our experiences with people's sadness in our real lives, we often feel helpless and unable to find anything to give to real and complex grief. Maybe joining this community with an offering both builds it and stands surrogate for the time when we couldn't find the right thing to do.